A Whisper of Sunrise

Today marks one year ago on the day that my mother went home to be with Jesus. I still grieve and miss her, but I also know that she is in Heaven with God and I have hope that I will see her one day. Every day I remember something about her, what she said, things she would do, and I regret that I could not make every one of her wishes come true. Remembering the pebbles she gave me makes me smile. I feel her close.

She was my muse, my friend.

I thought about this moment, and what I might feel. What I feel is a kinship. I feel loved. I know she left pebbles for my pocket, and a sunset to enjoy. And on that whisper of a sunrise, I can get up and go forward because I know she is where she most wanted to be, and I will be also some day. For now, she would want me to live and to use those pebbles to the best of my ability. Not only for myself, but for others. So I share them.

The pebbles she gave me were what she taught me:

Learn God's Word so no man can take that away from you.
Trust God no matter what the circumstances look like.
Always know God is in you, with you and everywhere.
Be yourself, and don't let anyone tell you to change, except God and let God do the changing.
Stand strong, and when you have tried everything else, just stand, have faith.
She taught me to cook, type, sew and keep a budget, most of all to survive.
She taught me to smile, no matter what i feel like. Sometimes I don't and I regret that. She said people are watching, and yes they do. People hear what you say and what you do all of the time, whether you are aware of it or not. She taught me to be diligent.
She taught me to improve my writing, by studying the way others' write, but to keep my writing the way I want to. She taught me world building, and was always there to listen to my gab about the next book.

During her final hours, she told me to not weep, but to rejoice for she is where she longs to be. Don't stop watching the sunrise or sunset.  Though I do weep, I realize my mother is home. She no longer suffers. I feel  peace in that fact..

We used to sit outside on the patio and watch the sunset together. For a long time I could not do that alone, but last night, I did.

As I watched the blue sky turn dark, I thought how much I had missed, not sitting there. Not seeing again, the glow on the horizon. Not sitting in the cool of the night, listening to the quiet. I realized then that Mom left another pebble for me even now. She knew I would need the quiet. She knew that I would need that moment to remember. She said to celebrate life.

As I wonder what I will do today, I want to do the last thing she asked me to, to celebrate life. I will put the pebbles in the sand, to take hold of the tide, smile at my husband and go through the day being a blessing to others. That is the best tribute I can give my mother. To worship God, live, love and smile.

People do not always see the impact they make on others' lives.  I hope my mother knew the impact she made on mine.